World Cup Babywatching

Top Five Reasons to Watch the World Cup

In some groups, admitting you like soccer is a bit like admitting you're a vegetarian. Sure, it doesn't really affect other people at all, but you get the sense people are thinking, "Well, that's one way to live your life."

I love soccer. I also love football and basketball. I really like baseball and I enjoy going to hockey games. It's really not like there's a limit on what sports someone can enjoy. Jim Rome apparently doesn't think so. He usually devotes at least one show every four years to how he "doesn't get" soccer. You might think, as a sports analyst, it would be his job to "get it," but I digress. Even he was able to admit that the U.S. games in 2010 were exciting. That by itself is proof that you don't have to be a huge soccer fan to enjoy the biggest sporting event on the planet.

So, here are five reasons to watch the U.S. at the World Cup:

1. A little something called "Patriotism" - Even if you don't watch soccer at all outside of the World
Cup, you can still enjoy supporting the United States. You know. 'Merica. Ever heard of it? There is a lot of satisfaction in going up against another country and reminding them just who exactly is the last remaining superpower on the planet. And the team always needs the support in order to destroy the forces of evil. The reason we lost to Iran in 1998 was because YOU WEREN'T WATCHING.

2. The United States are perpetually the plucky underdogs - I love the Dream Team. Or whatever they call the U.S. Olympic basketball team nowadays. But I also don't ever watch them play. I just expect them to win. We're pretty dang good in basketball and if we're just going to show up and stomp on Bosnia every four years, then there's not much point in me watching the game now, is there? There's no drama. Very little risk of failure. But whenever the U.S. wins, there's always a sense that they're beating the odds. We're progressing as a soccer nation, but the rest of the world often doesn't view us that way. Soccer is satisfying because the U.S. is always metaphorically smacking the smug smile off some stupid Frenchman's fat face*.

* please note that I said "metaphorically"

3. No. Stupid. TV. Timeouts - Once again, I love football and basketball. But there are things I love and hate about every sport. One of those things I hate is how stinking long some games take, ESPECIALLY because of something as useless as TV timeouts. Christina and I went to the Alamo Bowl in 2012 and watched Baylor and Washington score over 120 points in a single game. We were there for over FOUR HOURS because the players spent half the time standing around on the field because Fox would take a commercial break after every score. In soccer, there ARE no timeouts. There are 90 minutes of playing time. There is a 15-minute halftime. There are maybe seven minutes of added time at the ends of the halves, but that's it. The game's over in two hours. 

4. The U.S. players are very easy to root for - There are no prima donnas on the U.S. squad. In general they don't make a ton of money and most of them started off their rookie careers sleeping on the couches of older, richer teammates. One player gets paid just $90,000 a year by his pro team (yes, I would love to make that much money too, but for an international-caliber soccer player, that's not a lot). The goalkeeper, Tim Howard, suffered from Tourette's when he was a kid. Two other players play their professional ball IN KANSAS. That would be Matt Besler and Graham Zusi. Besler himself is set to become the first Kansas boy ever to play in a World Cup.

We even have a few players who were eligible to play for other countries and then had to make the extremely personal decision whether or not to represent the United States. That means that player had to ask themselves: "Do I feel more American or German?" Some soccer players have a mother from one country, a father from a second country, was born in a third country, and then perhaps grew up in a fourth country. It's compelling to see people redefine what many consider what it means to be an American.

5. It's incredibly easy to catch games this year - ESPN and ABC are broadcasting all the games. And because it's in Brazil, the games can be broadcast live during prime time. The first World Cup I seriously watched was in 2002 when it was in Japan. I remember staying up until 2 a.m. or waking up at 5 a.m. just to watch some of those games. Not so this time. You have no idea how much of a gift this is. And seriously. What else are you going to do? Do you know what the big news in the sports world was four years ago during the World Cup? It was an entire month spent pondering what NBA team Lebron James would end up on. That was it. No other sports. Well, except baseball, but there are 161 other games during the season. Statistically, you're probably okay missing one or 12.

Really. Really. Boring. Thank goodness ESPN didn't devote much time to this story...