Christmas Battles

Christmas is serious business for some people. So serious, in fact, that we have to have wars over it.

Fox News is at the forefront of the battle. The fact that some businesses and groups use a more generic "Happy Holidays" greeting instead of "Merry Christmas" is considered an opening shot in a much larger fight. They even have an interactive map so that people can find places where Christmas is "under attack" by supposedly secular forces who want to call Christmas trees "Holiday Trees." And that just ain't right. Sarah Palin writes books about it. And people pay to read them.

What I found interesting was a separate article about the "original" American war on Christmas that took place 400 years ago. What's ironic is that religious groups were the ones trying to get Christmas banned. They saw Christmas as a pagan ritual that was devoid of Christ. They viewed the Christmas season as one of excess and decadence. The traditions like Santa Claus, Christmas trees, and singing carols? They were considered almost satanic in nature and mentioned nowhere in the Bible.

What disappoints me about this is that to me, the "spirit of Christmas" should be beyond notions of battles and war and fighting. "Peace on Earth" should be the prevailing theme. If someone wishes me "Happy Holidays" then I should simply feel happy someone was thoughtful enough to do so. Likewise, if someone told me "Shalom" because they are Jewish, I might feel compelled to respond in kind. The biggest thing is that it is not a big deal. Someone is obviously being nice to me. I should be thankful!

Thankful. Peaceful. Not judgmental. One of my favorite Christmas songs is a piece called "Christmas In the Trenches" by John McCutcheon. It's about the Christmas truce between German and British soldiers during World War I. Men who were trying to kill each other one day were singing Christmas carols together the next. You can listen to it below:

The song is a reminder that what matters is not what divides us but what unites us. There are always going to be differences among us and it's important that we don't look at others and see "the enemy." It's important we don't look at others and see an opponent. It's important that we don't look at a  greeting as a symptom of something sinister.

Christina, Ellery and I went to a small gathering at church Sunday afternoon for a carol sing service for all the churches in town. It was pretty nice because it was one of the first Christmas-y things we've done this year. You just can't help but feel good after singing songs like that.

The service was enjoyable to me also because of how simple it was. It just consisted of showing up, calling out carols and then singing through them. Afterwards we had hot cider and cookies and conversation.

And what were those songs? "Silent Night." "O Come All Ye Faithful." "The Friendly Beasts." "Away in a Manger." "The First Noel." "God Res Ye Merry Gentlemen."

You know what wasn't on that list of Christmas songs? "Onward, Christian Soldiers."

'Tis not the season.

I'm going to leave off with a link to an article I've always found hilarious because of how sad it is. It's about the actual war on Christmas that almost occurred between North and South Korea:

ASIA/NORTH KOREA - Threats of war for "the lights and Christmas trees on the border"

As I said, Christmas is serious business.

Ellery

Well this is different.

It's been almost a month since my daughter, Ellery, was born. Baby time came right when I was driving a group of six freshmen from a novice debate meet heading back to Buhler. I'm proud to say I didn't freak out too much, even though I wanted to. Safety first.

She was born at 10:45 the next morning weighing 5 lbs 3 oz. She's a little squirt, but she's got the heart of a champion. There's already a tremendous debate within the family over whether she's going to be a professional swimmer or a piano player. Quite a bit of pressure to put on a baby when the nurses are just concerned over whether or not she's gaining weight. Besides, she's got the look of a politician, anyway. Moot point, people.

Thankfully she has been gaining poundage, though. At the last weight check she was pushing 6 lbs and may have already surpassed that. She's healthy, and that makes us happy. Like, winning-the-lottery happy. Ecstatic. Joyful. And tired.

I expected to feel tired, but I had also expected to feel more stressed than I have been. Part of that is because she's doing well (no jaundice or other early issues) but I'm also much more relaxed around Ellery than I've ever been around other babies. I suppose a big part of that is because she's my baby and not someone else's. If I mess something up, it's my own dang fault. But then, I'm only worrying about my own guilt rather than someone else's disapproval.

We're still early enough into things that taking care of Ellery has been relatively easy. The first week and a half our biggest challenge was just getting her to wake up so we could feed her. She just slept all the time. In fact, she's only just recently started staying awake when people come to visit her.

And oh boy, does she have visitors. I've never felt so popular-by-extension. Just about everything I post on Facebook gets three times as many likes as they normally would. I've briefly thought about just mentioning her briefly in every post: "Seriously, Jay Cutler? Another injury? You're tanking my fantasy team! #Elleryjustburped"

But enough of that. A small project I worked on was this short video of Ellery. I'm going to close by posting it and getting back to grading (incredibly behind on grading, but I'm gaining).

Catharsis

In English class recently we've touched briefly on the elements of tragedy and talked a bit about catharsis, which is a term with several meaning but is basically a "purging of emotion" that comes about by experiencing an intensely emotional story. Audience members would supposedly come to the play with an excess of emotion and the play would restore them to a more natural balance.

While medically speaking that's ridiculous, part of me believes there might be some psychological merit to it. How many people gravitate to the saddest part of a movie? How many people find themselves drawn to intensely sad stories? There are some films that are intensely sad all the way through (Like Schindler's List) and some that just have sad moments (like The Lion King).

What's interesting to me is that I don't really re-watch the intensely sad movies all that often. For example, the full movie of Schindler's List from above? I've probably really only seen it once all the way through. Everything else has been clips here and there. It's a tough pill to swallow. Instead, for my catharsis, I rely on other films that have maybe one sad portion in it. Like Homeward Bound. Man, that's a good movie.

Is that a bit wimpy? Yeah, probably. But it's not like I'm wanting to eat an entire cheese wheel of sadness. I want my films to be the cheese dip of sadness. Just enough to get a taste, and then move on to the main course.

So this is how nuclear wars begin...

So I need to set the record straight, here. 

One of my fellow English teachers, Jason Kohls, has falsely stated that I have claimed the title of "Alpha Male" of the English department.

Given that there are four male teachers in our department, that would be incredibly brazen of anyone to say. However, here are the facts:

• Yes, I did tape an article to Jason's door that implied he thought baby deer are adorable. 
• Yes, I did tell my kids to "prove they had more compassionate hearts than those jerks across the hallway" while raising items for the homeless. I can see how Greg Froese and John Knapp could misinterpret my meaning.
• Yes, I printed a tweet Jason made with the hashtag #whatupbauer
• Yes, I do like to be a snazzy dresser. 

But I started writing this blog post at first to DENY that I EVER said I was the alpha male. However, Jason gave the situation all the grave seriousness of a brewing nuclear conflict:

So, it would seen the battle for masculine supremacy has begun and threatens the pleasant and productive atmosphere of the upstairs south hallway. It is a shame, but what else can we do?

So I did what I hope our own country would do in a nuclear standoff. I point-blank refused to back down in the face of complete and utter misunderstanding:

JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T SAY I WAS THE ALPHA MALE DOESN'T MEAN IT ISN'T TRUE

Your move, Kohls.

If ever there were an alpha male in our department, it would be me, by-golly. I think my extreme sense of masculinity oozes out of me when I'm doing something particularly manly. Like diagramming a compound-complex sentence. Or ordering a pumpkin spice latte. Or crying while watching Homeward Bound.

Let's see Walker Texas Ranger do THAT.

In all seriousness, in some respects being the alpha male in an English department is like saying you're the healthiest guy at McDonald's. Sure, you might legitimately claim that title, but it's not like there's an expectation or anything. It's a profession that has been dominated by women for literally billions of years. Teaching literature requires showing students how to empathize with characters in a story. Empathy is a trait men are not well-known for. Remember when King Xerxes tearfully embraced King Leonidas at the Battle of Thermopylae and sat down for peace talks? Yeah. Me neither.

When I was in junior high school, you could tell my English teachers were women simply by looking at my assigned reading list:

• Island of the Blue Dolphins
• The Diary of Anne Frank
• The Witch of Blackbird Pond
• Number the Stars
• The House on Mango Street
• Across Five Aprils

All but one of those books (Across Five Aprils) had a female protagonist. And even that one was about domestic life on a farm during the Civil War, so only the girls liked it. There weren't any battles or nothin'. I didn't truly start to love English until I got to read books like Animal Farm and Anthem in class. I felt like those books finally began to move away from some of the themes I was already used to.

But you wouldn't know the field of English was inherently feminine from looking at the department we have going in Buhler. I wish I could take credit for making our department manly, but honestly that's probably not the case. The manliness quotient probably comes from the women just as much as the men. The title of "dominant male" might just go to one of them. Especially the one with the firearm. Come to think of it, that last sentence might need to be plural.

This is a group that is so productive that it looks forward to in-service days with all the fervor of an approaching Harry Potter release. This is a group so eager and excited to share ideas that we have 26 different Google Docs folders with lesson materials for everything from timed writing prompts to links to audio recordings of To Kill a Mockingbird. This is a group filled with people who love what they do.

I don't know if that's masculine or feminine. What I do know is it's pretty dang sweet.

Citizenship Day

It was an inspiring day to work with the Buhler High School kids around on different projects in the community.

It's always a good day when you see groups of young people working to benefit their community. Recently (and separately) our English department began participating in Socktober. It was something started by "Kid President" on Youtube. You can check out the video below:

So far my classes have raised a box full of items, although we've only been at it two days and I only have 40 English kids. The idea to start participating in it came from Jason Kohls and all of our kids and their families have been tremendous in their response. Jason has been having to clean out more and more of his classroom closet to make way for the items kids have been bringing in.

Civic responsibility isn't something that has always been strong with me. It was probably weakest while I was in college simply because Fort Hays wasn't necessarily "home." It was where I lived and where I had friends, but Hays wasn't "home" for them, either. Now that I'm settled, I own a house, and have a child on the way, everyone pitching in to help each other out takes on a new level of importance.

It's important to me that the needy in our community get what they need because it's important to me that my community reflect the values that I strive to maintain. If that simply were not the case, I feel that there would be a greater sense of apathy. The notion that we are our brother's keeper would be gone.

Yes, I have a responsibility to others in my community. It is real. It matters. Just like it matters to an entire basketball team when one player fails a class. It also matters that we do unto others the way we'd have them do unto us.

Socktober. Citizenship Day. It's not an assignment. It's a duty.

Columbus Day is Awful

(I wrote this for The University Leader as a humorous opinion in 2010)

There are a host of serious issues plaguing the nation. This is not one of them.

I’m talking, of course, about Columbus Day. It was Monday. Did you remember? No, you didn’t.

You didn’t celebrate. You didn’t travel to Ohio. You didn’t wave Spanish flags.

Like me, you probably tried to ignore it until you found out the post office was closed.

Which brings me to my point: Columbus Day is the worst holiday ever because Columbus was the worst explorer ever.

I’m not even going to count the whole genocide of the Native Americans thing, which alone is reason to relegate Columbus to a footnote.

No, Columbus was a bad guy because he stank as an explorer. He was the worst. He’s the Paris Hilton of explorers, getting all the attention, but being completely devoid of talent or serious accomplishments and contributions.

He didn’t discover anything. Not really. He wasn’t the first person to discover America — Native Americans did that. He wasn’t the first European to discover America — Leif Erikson did that.

Heck, he didn’t even know he was in America. He thought he was in India. Shouldn’t that by itself be reason to say Columbus was a terrible, terrible explorer? What kind of explorer gets an entire continent completely wrong?

There are some who say that Columbus’ voyage was important because it proved the earth is round. Wrong.

People at the time of Columbus already knew the earth was round. They had even already estimated the earth’s size. Columbus didn’t prove anything, not even to his own people.

Even if he really proved the earth was round, wouldn’t it make more sense to actually sail around the earth? Not just blindly run into some land, declare that it’s India, and then sail back.

There are many reasons to get rid of Columbus Day. Chief among them is that it’s really, really annoying. Anyone else try to go to the bank on Monday? Yeah, I bet that was a lot of fun turning around and driving home, cursing that jerk Christopher Columbus under your breath.

Does anyone know how much money the economy loses by shutting down banks to worship Columbus each year? I don’t either, but I bet it’s a lot.

I’d probably be fine keeping a holiday in place of Columbus Day, but it would need to be changed to something more relevant and worthwhile. Like Comfortable Pants Day. Now that’s something that would look good on the second Monday in October.

Christopher Columbus was not only a terrible explorer, but he’s a terrible reason to take the day off.

I Didn't Die When I Saw The Conjuring

I've posted in the past about scary movies. Namely about zombies and about horror movies in general.

But this past summer I saw a horror movie that everyone seemed to claim must be the scariest thing to emerge from a movie theater since popcorn prices were raised to $10 a bucket.

Yes, I'm talking of course about The Conjuring.

My wife and I went with a couple of friends who had bought into the hype. Christina is pregnant, of course, and one of my friends was apparently concerned for her well-being.

"Um...do you think it's a good idea for a pregnant woman to be seeing this? What if the movie freaks her out so much that she...I don't know....goes into labor or something?"

We took our chances.

But I was a bit disappointed. It was a good movie, don't get me wrong. But single scariest movie ever made? Not really.

I hadn't quite grasped from the trailers that this was just another exorcism movie. I've seen my fair share of these films. I gotta tell ya, it definitely makes being Catholic look exciting. I can almost picture a hotline to the Vatican where the pope has to dispatch secret agents to fight these demons in their houses.

That's probably the biggest reason I didn't find myself on the edge of my seat like some of the folks in the theater. Exorcism movies aren't really novelties for me anymore.